Oatmeal and Dates
I though you all might be interested in being privy to the conversation with the man I now think of as 'the duck' I alluded to in my Oatmeal with Dates Post. So, here is the give and take that originally inspired it:
On October 21, 2009, 12:32am, he wrote:
| Ok - it is rice pudding, takes a thief, bath and bedtime. For real.
Caution: do NOT get those in the wrong order!
| Sleep well. Or write to me all night. Nothing stalker-ish about that.
| It would probably make a good breakfast read.
I respectfully decline the offer, and instead will consider my options for doing something else to you all... oh, wait... that's another one. OK. I'm learning!
I hope your oatmeal is warm, thick, and sticky-sweet ;-)
And the duck signed off. The next day, October 22, at 1:37 a.m. I replied:
It is 3 minutes to 1 a.m. in Ohio.
As to my oatmeal, I am a purist (or weirdo, depending on your perspective). I could give you the blow by blow of directions but suffice to say that MY oatmeal comes with dates and milk.
FYI, I feel pity for those who eat instant oatmeal or for those who microwave anything. What a poor life to live.
To which he answered on October 22 11:18 am:
A woman whose straight lines are nearly impossible to resist wrote:
| I could give you the blow by blow... MY oatmeal comes with dates and milk.
[silence]
| FYI, I feel pity for those who eat instant oatmeal or for those who
| microwave anything. What a poor life to live.
I'm only slightly pitiable: I do heat water in the microwave, mostly because it's so efficient. I cook for at least one mail every day, but don't remember the last time I "cooked" food in the microwave. In fact, I don't think I've ever done that. I won't give up my pressure cooker, though!
OK. The key to internet dating is extrapolation and reading between the lines. What did we learn from this interaction with the duck?
First - "but suffice to say that MY oatmeal comes with dates and milk" is funny. I meant it to be funny. And it worked. But it could have backfired.
I am funny but funniest when heard by an intelligent man. He made the joke. And he was smart enough to not try to make it more provocative or funnier except by playing the straight man.
This is a pretty good quality to see in a duck.
You want to find men who are willing to salivate over your brain. The duck was frequently masterful at catching on quick... sometimes when I wasn't even trying. As women, you cannot underestimate how much, how often and with what lightning speed men's thoughts go to sex. (This is a direct quote from my date of this afternoon. And no, he is not the duck.)
So if you want a smart one, practice innocence.
I would have to add to watch out for the guy who takes "but suffice to say that MY oatmeal comes with dates and milk." and plays off of "comes" or is vulgar in any way. And when I say 'watch out' I mean, 'don't go out with.' If he can't censor his thoughts into polite conversation at a keyboard, he quite likely will be way too forward for fun. Changing an 'o' to a 'u' and dropping an 'e' doesn't take a lot of thought or time... and really, do you want to sleep with that?
